Something Positive to Report

Hey, it’s A. K.! I have something positive to talk about instead of all the doom and gloom for once. I’m writing this at the end of the first week of school. A successful week, I might add. I’m going to community college and spring semester started this last Monday. I love all my classes (even the math class) and all my teachers seem pretty great, too. It’s only the first week, so I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but I definitely think I can do this. I’m taking a Math class, Honors English, two Business classes (one in person, one online), and a Personal Growth class. I love the city I live in, because not one of my teachers is white. Lol. And my classmates are all diverse. I feel back at home (because I AM back home). Unfortunately, I’ve been having my own kind of weird culture shock. I’d been in Utah for 19 years. (That’s disgusting!) I remember when I moved to Utah (when I was 19) my mom’s husband took me to a basketball game. That was the first time I experienced culture shock. I remember looking around and it was just a sea of white people. No fuckin color in the audience. I was terrified. It didn’t feel right. Where were we?? And then somehow over 19 years that’s what I got used to? How dare I! I couldn’t find any minorities there to hang out with (not counting my ex-wife)? I’m an extreme introvert and only make friends with people that come up to me for the most part. (Thank Goddess my wife came up to me in 6th grade!!) Back to how dare I!! How dare I have culture shock coming back to my hometown!! What did Utah do to me?? Then I think about what’s going on in the country, and I’m disgusted. White people are just the worst! What’s wrong with us?? What’s wrong with me?? But I digress… School is amazing because now I’m immersed in culture. It’s Black History Month, and my wife and I are celebrating by watching culturally significant movies. (It’s how we process.) How dare I, with a Black wife, have this weird fuckin culture shock!!!! I’m glad she puts on these movies and has recommended certain classes. I’d be lost without her… That’s a whole different subject though. I feel like I lost any culture I did have after being around nothing but white people for so long. After 2009 (I remember the job I worked at and lost touch with everyone there) it was just white people thereafter. Now I feel like I don’t even belong at my college. I feel like an out-of-state student. I’ve been back for a year, but I haven’t really left the house. There’s no room for these kinds of feelings. We’re all one people. And with what’s going on in the country right now, there’s a greater need to combat this sort of shit. Anyway… I know the title may have been misleading as this ended up weirdly being about race. But I’m really pleased with the fact that none of my teachers are white. It makes me very happy. And all that being said, it could just be the extreme isolation these last ten years and finally being around people at all that is the culture shock for me. And, ya know, I have a touch of the ‘tism and forgot how to operate in society or mask. So, there’s that. I love the diversity at my school. And just today, at the library, I felt unsafe when the crazy lookin white man walked near us. Not when any of the other people were around. Anyway… Maybe one day I’ll outline these posts. Until then, I hope you enjoyed this rambling nonsense…

-A.K.

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